Somewhat ironic that, after posting last week about the necessity of Saturday rest in my life and the benefits thereof, I spent the weekend really struggling to do so.
This year has been very focused on learning to let go of my high expectations for myself in terms of extreme productivity, on being really challenged by my journal to confront how wildly out my expectations are of what I can achieve in a week, and to be empowered to prioritise mindfully rather than a) letting life and random chance decide what gets done and what falls by the wayside, and b) feeling constantly stressed, guilty, and like a failure for my apparent inability to complete my to-do lists.
This week was challenging for that. In my wild optimism regarding how much more free time I have outside of work hours now that homework is no longer a Thing, I launched into 2023 scheduling and planning… And thanks to my recent transfer from paper diary (daily to-do list) to online app, I was able to input all these grand plans and ideas into my calendar… At which point I scrolled through the first six months of next year and stared numbly at the screen.
I hadn’t thought I was overcommitting when I made one particular aspect of Inkprint Press a priority focus for next year.
I totally was.
In fact, I’d probably put myself back on a one-way train to Burnoutville if I tried to stick to that schedule. Which, been there done that never want it again… But it also hurt to realise, once again, how *patient* I have to be with building the press, because it *isn’t* my full time job, so I can’t expect to run at a full-time-job pace.
Which of course triggered off a new wave of productivity-related anxiety that I had to sit with for Wed/Thurs/Fri – and into Saturday.
Knowing on Wednesday that I was likely to be really, really tempted to compromise my rest on Saturday – and that even if I wasn’t actually *working*, I’d no doubt spend the entire day *thinking* about rescheduling and reprioritising project, I invited a friend over for Saturday afternoon instead.
It was lovely, and healing, and restful in a very restorative sort of way – and definitely much healthier than spending the day compromising rest instead of engaging in it.
So I guess this is just a note to say that, despite my unwavering belief in the necessity of a day of rest, despite the tangible benefits I have seen from it throughout my life, despite having practiced this concept for well over three decades, I still struggle with it at times too. I KNOW it’s hard to give yourself a break, especially when you’re not used to it, especially when anxiety of any kind is running high.
But that’s why you have to fight for it. Because it’s worth protecting, it’s worth learning, and so you do what you have to do to make sure to protect that rest – whether that’s handing your phone over to a loved one for the day so you don’t spend the day on it, rescheduling appointments, or deliberately scheduling some social rest to prevent you from trying to cheat 🙂
We all deserve rest, irrespective of what society tells us. You, your mental and physical health, your peace and joy – you are so, so worthy.
Make sure to schedule some downtime in this week <3