In a way, it’s freelancer’s privilege; in another, it’s an awful liminality between health and frailty, with the spectre of mortality looming large over all. Partly, also, it’s sleep deprivation at this point, as I’ve barely slept since Boxing Day due to what I shall euphemistically call ‘medication side effects’. Regardless of what’s causing it, I’m feeling adrift. As the title says, when you can do anything with your time, what do you do?
Obviously that ‘anything’ is constrained by my energy limits – but the same is true for anyone, really. And so I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time this month staring headlong at my writing – or, more accurately, at the idea that while I can point to a dozen or a hundred stories that have influenced my life, it’s been to date almost impossible to believe that my own writing can do the same thing – and thus challenging to believe that anything I’m doing these days is making the world a better place, something I believe in with all my being – which, of course, is part of the challenge, because I also believe that humans beings have inherent worth, and I don’t have to DO anything to make the world better other than just… existing as a beautiful form of myself.
I’m not going anywhere with this, except to say, it’s a lot. It’s been A Month. And that’s only me with my head buried firmly in the sand, dealing with my own life and issues, and wilfully ignoring the wider world. #sigh.
…In other news, Crystal the Rabbit just jumped up to say hi – or because she smelled the top of the carrot I have lying next to me and came to munch it, lol, such cupboard love – and that is probably a happier and more productive contribution to this than anything else I have to say *grin*.
But look: I’m getting back into the habit of blogging, not everything is doom and disaster, it’s been a really rough month but the worst is over now, and it seems plausible that both writing and blogging will be more regular for at least the next little while.
At the very least, I have Mint Grows Even In The Dark coming out in March, and Life Had Other Plans in May, and I’m still hopeful and mostly on track for a September release for Touchstone 🙂
…I just looked at the title of this post again and am like, hmm, yes, I feel like I had deep and meaningful things to say here about that :’D Alas. The Return Of The King cast commentary and the rabbit who was definitely here for the carrot top but happily stayed for snuggles have all conspired to distract me, so we shall simply call this Practice At Regular Blogging and sign off with a picture of said rabbit. <3
