I’m here writing again at bed time because – shockingly enough – ending the night on my phone is not doing wonders for my already difficult sleep, while going through a routine of shower-exercise-write-read before bed seems to be making a difference. WHO KNEW, RIGHT.
I have nothing particular to say, but that’s also not exactly uncommon when I’m blogging regularly here, so if you’ve been around awhile you’ll know that we’ll meander somewhere nice eventually and wind ourselves to some sort of gentle conclusion before we reach the end 😀
I have a new topper for my mattress, and since I’m currently lying in bed typing this, it feels pressingly urgent to my mind that I share this with you. It’s quite luxurious, actually, feels rather like I’m sleeping on a nice lil cloud, and if I hadn’t already ditched the pillow when I went into hospital the other week, I’d be doing so now because the topper provides almost enough support just as it is. (Instead of a pillow I’ve been using a folded blanket, or, to be honest, most often an oodie 😀 Just a bit of neck support without too much pressure or anything to pull my neck out of alignment – super important because a) I’m always super sensitive to my neck being out, hypermobile joints hi how are you, and b) I’m not allowed to do any chiro or stretches that might crack my spine rn because: hi filled with cancer. urgh.)
We only put the topper on this evening, and I’m immensely looking forward to sleeping on it tonight. If it’s amazing I’ll try to, like, dig out the actual details of what it is and share, in case anyone cares 😀 lol
Also did some more editing tonight, which I’m proud of – see Instagram stories for pictorial evidence. I’m about a third of the way through doing the line-for-scene cards, I think? A third by page count, anyway, if not necessarily scene count, and I’ve made it past the sticky ones where the voice and theme of the book is still settling, so I think the next chunk should go by pretty easily. The house will be quieter tomorrow, a brief blip in between the very constant stream of visitors, so I might make progress a bit faster too.
(However many visitors you think I’ve been having, I assure you, you are underestimating. If we average it all out, I think since returning from hospital two weeks ago it’s been more than one per day, and this rate is not slowing drastically for the next couple of weeks. I’m beyond flattered, and learning good habits about setting boundaries when I need to go rest, and also am intensely aware that extrovert me very much NEEDS lots of people contact, ESPECIALLY as I transition into this new world of permanently-at-home instead of working. Though, I don’t know. Part of me is like, WHY YES, I WOULD INDEED LIKE TO NOT WORK AT ALL AND HAVE MY INSURANCE COVER THIS, and part of me is like BUT ALSO SEEING PEOPLE ONE OR TWO DAYS A WEEK MIGHT KEEP ME MORE SANE. I don’t know. Watch this space, I guess, since I have a 90-day waiting period before I can access the insurance, which means I guess like another two months off before I have to decide if I want to work part time or not.
…How is this suddenly my life? o.O
This is what I mean, though: yes, cancer sucks, yes, potentially terminal although I have my doubts about that personally, yes, this is stressful and bizarre and horrible in many ways. ON THE OTHER FREAKING HAND, somehow I ended up on the highest level of insurance when I switched from teaching two years ago, even though I didn’t do that consciously? So I have, like, options for the short/medium term????? And suddenly the whole “all I want more than anything else in the world is to be allowed to run my day according to the rhythm of my body, and pay attention to my writing, and hang out with the people that I love” is, like, legit now a THING?????
…Also I haven’t closed the brackets, did you notice? Here: )
I just… Yeah. Wow.
Okay.
So maybe this post isn’t going to ramble its way to any sort of useful conclusion right now, but I feel better for having written it. If you made it this far, have a cookie for enduring, I love you, and I appreciate you being here to witness as I detangle my swirling thoughts. Y’all are lovely. Peace out.
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