Other much more expert people than I have had much to say on this topic, so I intend to keep this brief. But I just wanted to note that so far, in my experience, being brave has never let me down yet.
Lonely and feeling nervous to reach out? Do it. There are so many connections to people I love and adore that I have in my life now that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t first been brave.
Uncomfortable with someone pushing your boundaries online? Tell them. It might blow up, you might walk away shaken, but you asserted your boundaries, good on you, and that’s a Life Skill that gets easier with practice.
Ending every day exhausted and spiralling? I mean, quitting teaching was legit one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, and the hardest, and the didn’t-want-to-do-it-est, but I did it, and here I am healing from burnout and feeling if not peppy then at least peppier than I’ve felt in over a decade.
Other stupid things that scare me: Telling my husband how much I spent on a shopping trip. (He never cares, that’s my anxiety speaking.) Saying anything to do with my religion in public. (Scared of being lumped in with “those” Christians, you know who I mean.) Asking the people in my life who are less great at emotional support… for emotional support. (What if it starts an argument? Surely I can just deal with it by myself, i.e. bottle it up.) Charging people industry-standard rates for my work. (What if they can’t afford it and they feel bad?)
Etc etc and so on and on and on, ad infinitum because I am a Human Being with an Active Brain (and also ADHD and sometimes anxiety) and this is part of life.
But.
Like.
So far…
The risk has always been worth it in the long run. Maybe it does cause an argument… But the people who love you learn from that too, and you learn that it’s okay to ask for your needs to be met. Maybe someone walks away, or threatens to – and you realise that if push comes to shove, what you have left is you, and that so long as you’re being brave, that is actually enough.
Sometimes you reach out with trembling hands to be honest and authentic… and you grasp hands with a lifelong friend.
I don’t know. I recognise that sometimes it can go badly, but on the whole, so far it seems like the memes are right: it really does feel better to be your authentic self and ignore the fear about what other people will think. And not only that, but – so far – being honest about yourself and your identity and your beliefs opens you up to some pretty magical connections you couldn’t have had otherwise. (I meant to write ‘wouldn’t have had’ there but I think couldn’t is right, actually.)
There’s a really strong temptation to water this down in closing, to litter the space with caveats for all the reasons why this might not apply… But for me, right at this exact minute, that’s a symptom of exactly what I’m trying to grow out of. So: I said what I said. I’ll be brave and stick by that.
Signed,
A Recovering People Pleaser <3
Want more? Check out my stories on Instagram and say hi, or join my never-actually-monthly-even-though-that’s-what-I-intend mailing list!
This blog is reader supported. If you’re enjoying it, leave a tip in the tip jar on the way out. <3